16 Oct 2006 — Ah… it’s 16 Oct! The first day since 26 Sep that Billie and I are FINALLY alone again… sigh… a quiet house all to ourselves… and in true form, Bi is walking around once more in his maroon undies (hee hee, never provide visuals here so as not to scare kids off). And yay… after 21 days, tonight no need to sleep on air mattress anymore!

So yes, last night, after two weeks, we finally sent my mother-in-law off.

Phew…

And even though by the time we parted, we were hugging and comforting one another that we’ll be meeting again very soon at our wedding in May next year at the latest — no doubt aided by the fact that earlier in the day we surprised her with an album filled with pictures of her trip — it hasn’t exactly been an entirely easy visit. There WERE many trying moments, especially in the earlier part of her stay. Like whenever she brings out her collection of old faded crinkly newspaper cuttings to tell us stories of how a snake swallowed up a whole goat or how a certain brand of fish oil was found to be contaminated, or whenever she cooks up another novel way to work into the current conversation the fact that she lived in London previously (once some 30 over years ago), or whenever she “requests” yet again to try a spoonful of whatever it is I am eating and is already sticking her spoon into it before I can even open my mouth to rebel, and oh, oh, oh, let’s not forget WHENEVER she converts for the umpteenth time whatever it is we are buying from Australian dollars into Malaysian ringgit and complains how expensive it is, not to mention the incessant chatter on all things mundane, drab, dreary and trivial… time and time again, I find myself getting so frus, irritated, exasperated and most of all(!) BORED that inevitably I dreamt up grandiose ways to off myself:

…I’m relieved to say thank gawd it never did get to the point where I actually acted upon them.

And it wasn’t just the typical DIL-MIL thing either. William too participated in the countdown. 13 days more, 9 more, 5, 3… And not to make him sound like an unfilial son or something ‘cos in his defence, the guy left home for Singapore at the age of 17 and hasn’t been in such close proximity with his mum for so long a period of time in donkey years + his mum REALLY isn’t the easiest person to be with, like REALLY + he did make the effort to spend an awfully lot of time with her, much more than I’d dare ask of him for myself in any given week + I think he definitely deserves some sort of Nobel peace prize for his momumental display of patience under fire. In our debrief on the way home from the airport last night, we also concluded that overall, we did give her the “happy trip” she asked for on day 1, fulfilling her many wishes, from eating fresh raw oysters to drinking red wine to dolphin-watching at Jervis Bay to visiting Bondi to most importantly, buying her a multitude of healthcare supplements! We think, and hope for the sake of William’s ears in the days ahead, she left a contented woman.

So that’s 2 down (J&M and Wil’s mum), 1 to go. My family’s visiting for 12 days from 24 October.

Initially, I thought, with my family no sweat, ‘cos with Sean my brother coming along (making this THE first family trip since we were ugly awkward pre-pubescent teens), there’ll be lots of company for those parent-directed eye-ball rolling moments. William’s a nice guy but he just doesn’t have that quick, wicked sense of humour that flows through us Wee blooded descents. So yes, indeedy! I was looking forward to having my family here. Especially since there will be a 10-day break in between, affording us some much needed visitor-recoup time. Compared to my MIL’s trip, my family’s visit would undoubtedly be a lot more fun, exciting, and enjoyable, OR so I thought. Unwittingly, my own set of family drama was about to unfold… and to cut a long story short, this was what happened:

From: Tiffany
Date: Oct 13, 2006 10:51 AM
Subject: Itinerary for Family Trip
To: Yinn Gim, seannie bonnie wee

Halo mama, laoba and Seannie (if by some miracle you actually receive this?!?)

For the last 3 days, I have meticulously (yes! meticulously) planned out our 4D3N “Greater NSW” Family Trip, which will take us from the Blue Mountains to the Hawkesbury Harvest Trail to the Hunter Valley Wine Region to the coastal town of Port Stephens! Wah… like the Chinese saying, 有山有水 (got mountain got water), what more can you ask for?!! And after having received William’s approval, I am now ready to present it to you. Whoo-hoo!

Whilst planning, I made sure to include something for everyone — fun, exciting, cultural, natural, gastronomic — and to suit all ages and levels in terms of activities — some of course requiring us to be just that little bit more adventurous. Mama, remember what 5th aunt (Chui) said? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU DID SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME? Haha… bet you are scared oredi just hearing that.

As for accomodation, trust me, I have worked my butt off trying to find places that are centrally located, AVAILABLE, looks inviting, well-priced (of course there were cheaper places, like youth hostels and really grotty-looking motels, but I didn’t think we wanted to go that route), didn’t require a “minimum two night” booking (damn irritating this one), and could accomodate all of us. The price ranges from $250 - $300 for all 5 of us per night, thanks to Wotif. But not booked yet, waiting to hear what you say.

Ok, of course this is ultimately a guide, nothing is set in stone. So yep, pending your approval, I will book and reserve things in a few days’ time.

So let me know what you think.

So exciting!!!

Tiff

From: Yinn Gim
Date: Oct 13, 2006 11:54 AM
Subject: Re: Itinerary for Family Trip
To: Tiffany

Hi girl,

Good of you to plan our trip. Really appreciated.

But in your hometown, is there no warning not to go out into open country especially now that it is consider hot and dry in Sydney or NSW.

It was reported in our Straits Times, not to venture out into open country where you have miles and miles of open grasslands and bushes.There are danger of open fire which can start anytime anywhere which you will least predicted. You can be trap driving along open road with fields on both sides and find you cannot reverse or go forward because of the fire.

The place most likely to have this kind of fire is around Hunter Valley. So please drop the idea of going into the danger zone which already make me afraid to think what if it actually happen and to all of us as a nuclear family.

I and mum are already old and we do not need that kind of excitement as our heart may not take it, we don’t really know. But we do not need to test it to find out.

Hope you and William understand our fear and rearrange some places very very safe even if it is not so exciting or boring. Our purpose in coming to see you both is just to see you both and nothing else, especially me. I wanted to see where you both are putting up and visit the old places that you have brought me the last time I was here.

I want to film the memories of the beautiful places where you both study and work. But do not bring us up to Blue Mountain unless you are sure there is no danger of bush fire. I remembered that along the way, there are bushes and bushes and nothing else.

Hope you understand. My thought is always ahead of unpredicted dangers that may occur or not. It is always to be safe than sorry. When you are young, you always think that you can never die. When you reach our age, you will think back and thank your lucky star that you have passed all the dangers that could have happened.

One example, was our trip from Trengganue cutting across the jungle to KL and being followed by a BMW. It was very frightening as we were the only 2 cars on that road and the BMW was trailing us for no reason. At that time, both you and Sean were very young like 8 and 10 years old. What if our car broke down in the middle of the jungle. At that time there is no handphones and miles and miles of jungle with no inhabitants to help if needed.

I do not want the nightmare to reoccur again. You both must always take into consideration that danger come to you when you least expected. Always think negatively ahead but with caution and you will come out a better person in life and get to live a little longer.

Sorry if I sound so uncooperative. Hope you can understand my feelings.

Love
Dad

From: Tiffany
Date: Oct 13, 2006 1:02 PM
Subject: Re: Itinerary for Family Trip
To: Yinn Gim

Hey mum, are you reading this?!? Is Sean?!?

If he is, he might just drop the idea of coming completely!

Wil and I will go with Sean on the trip, whoever wants to sit around at home can proceed with their plans.

Tiff

From: Yinn Gim
Date: Oct 13, 2006 2:55 PM
Subject: Re: Itinerary for Family Trip
To: Tiffany

Hi girl,

If this is your idea of inviting me over so that you can push your plans you have and make me go along without considering my own feelings of being uneasy I rahter not come and visit.

We do not invite guests over and make them go along to your own plans. Just like you do not force your guests to eat whatever they do not want.

The right way is to make sure your guests is comfortable and enjoy doing what they want unless they ask you for ideas. So if that is what you want to do, I don’t want to get involve in spoiling your plans. I will not come to visit.

Dad

From: Tiffany
Date: Oct 13, 2006 3:18 PM
Subject: Re: Itinerary for Family Trip
To: Yinn Gim

HELLO?!!!

Remember it was your idea to go to the Blue Mountains?!? We did not even want to go in the first place but you guys said Sean has not been there, and to bring him there.

As for Hawkesbury, it was mum’s idea!

Here I am excitedly making plans AROUND your instructions, and you come back and say I am trying to “push your plans you have and make me go along without considering my own feelings of being uneasy”?!?

And to be exact, no, I didn’t push “my” plans onto you. I said the REST OF US will proceed with the plans. You can stay in the house if that’s what you came to do.

And have you asked Sean and mum what they want to do BEFORE deciding for them that on this trip you will just come and hang around our house, and ALL our previous houses?

Why do you always see only the negative side of things anyway? You are only in your 50s! The way you talk, it sounds like you are oredi in your 80s or something?! Mum is so right, you are turning into Ah-Gong, so scared of death, so scared you are not even really living anymore.

From: Yinn Gim
Date: Oct 13, 2006 3:38 PM
Subject: blue mountain
To: Tiffany

Hi girl,
I wrote, provided there is no danger of fire in the Blue Mountain, we can still go by the time we plan to go.

Yes I am afraid of dying who is not is lying. But to know you are asking for trouble knowing that there is a posibilities of danger there, I will not venture.

Like I say, you are still young and you think you cannot die. Your turn will come when you reach our time and age. Don’t laugh at others. For those who laugh first laugh last.

But if you think that I am wrong, then I think it is not right that I go and spoilt your fun.

Dad

And so as the storm heats up between her stubborn husband and her equally obstinate daughter, Peng panicks as she sees her dream family holiday on the verge of blowing to smithereens right before her very eyes. She rushes to the scene and as fast as her fingers can type, she deals a hand of Damage Control, all the while hoping it’s not already too late…

From: Yinn Gim
Date: Oct 13, 2006 4:31 PM
Subject: Re: Itinerary for Family Trip
To: Tiffany

Hi all, I sent you all my 2 cents before I went for lunch but now checking and don’t know where its gone……..so funny?!?

Anyway, I will try to recompose my email sent earlier:

Hey guys,

I think this thing has gone out of proportion??? So, let’s start all over again ….. okay??

Girl - thanks for taking the trouble to plan for this big event but please take Papa’s concerns into consideration. I know………the bigger the group the more opinions… (just like my Shanghai trip with my parents and sibblings…….ended up in a big fight all for the goodness of everything and everyone trying to give their 5 cents worth!!). I am sure there are still things (safer ones!!) to do in Syd. as a family. So, don’t sweat it………..we will take a day at a time. I have waited soooooooooo long for this family vacation and since Wil and you will be millions (no lah only thousands ) of miles away soon……….this will be good time for our family to bond together.

Cool down …………. take a few deep breaths …………. and a few more…………… its not worth fighting for a good cause!! What a pun!!

Luv
Mama

Fearing her written efforts weren’t quite sufficient to save the situation, she even placed a long-distance call to instruct her SIL to calm things down on his end of the receiver. Yes, the family trip had to be salvaged at all costs… Stay tuned for the next nail-biting episode of The Wee Family Trip Fiasco…

So leaving all the emailing behind for a while, I tried to see the situation from my dad’s point of view. Just what is he so afraid of? Usually a road-trip through the surrounding regions of Sydney conjures up images of sparkling waterways, picturesque hillsides, ancient mountains and stunning beaches, and not the heart-stopping, jaw-dropping Indiana Jones’ movie clip that my laoba makes it out to be.

So let’s take a look at what it is exactly that’s feeding his imagination. With that in mind, I took a look at the news (aka my dad’s version of the bible) that Singaporeans are getting back home with regards to the bushfires downunder. And immediately I saw why. Well, first of all, let’s keep in mind that news, as William points out, had to be NEWS, i.e. it has to be sensationalised, dramatic, worth reading, worth the 80 cents or whatever you pay for it. So frankly I can’t blame the journos for doing their job, and indeed, from a monetary point of view, a job well done. However from the POV of a daughter who’s trying to convince her family it’s safe to drive through the surrounds of Sydney at this point in time, not so great.

With descriptions like “firefighters in Australia’s most populous state are bracing for more trouble as temperatures soar to near record highs”, “total fire ban across much of the state”, “fears any new blazes would be hard to control” and “emergency services were on full alert”, no wonder folks back home are under the impression that the whole of Australia is engulfed in one gigantic fireball! The truth, or at least that experienced by someone who’s actually here, is: it is not. In fact, I have only just checked the NSW Rural Fire Service website, and am glad to report that there is NO total fire ban in effect in ANY part of NSW today AND tomorrow. I have also just visited the National Nine News website, and shockers of shockers, bushfires didn’t even make it to today’s headlines! Frankly, bushfires are commonplace here in Australia, and for 99% of us, life goes on as usual without the slightest trepidation. In the last 5 years that we have lived here, even during bushfire season, Billie and I have not witnessed even one haze-filled day (unlike those of you in Singapore now) to say the least!

For those of you who can’t comprehend how that is even possible, let me put things into perspective for you. The main reason why these bushfires usually do not worry the majority of us is because for the most part, the bushfires that occur, by its very definition, occur OUT IN THE BUSH, i.e. far far away where it’s typically not densely populated (and definitely nowhere near where I am proposing to have our family trip). How far you ask? Well, I have brilliantly worked out a way to assure you that contrary to popular belief, an immense proportion of NSW is left untouched by bushfires. To do this, I have employed the help of some very useful figures which I have gathered from various official-type websites.

First of all, as some of you may know, Singapore is 683 square km. Yes, a mere 683 square km, very small and cute we are. The Blue Mountains? It’s 10300 square km. That’s about 15 times the size of Singapore. and yes, that’s just the Blue Mountains. Next, we have Hunter Valley, another area I am proposing to visit during the family trip. Of course the area we’ll be visiting is but a small small part of the Hunter Valley because in its entirety, it is 31000 square km. That’s approximately 45 Singapores put together. And yet, that is only Hunter Valley. Now for the BIGGIE! New South Wales. Make a guess, make a guess how big it is…… 800600 square km! That’s 26 times Hunter Valley, 78 times Blue Mountains, and 1172 times Singapore!!! For your info, the majority of bushfires are contained well within 0.5 square kilometres. Would you stop dead in your tracks, drop everything you are doing and run screaming for help in Boon Lay if a fire broke out in East Coast? Can you then blame me if I didn’t get too worried about a fire that’s taking place all the way on the other side of the state? We must remember people, that Australia is not just an island, it’s not just a country, it’s a whole freaking continent! And when we talk about NSW alone, we’re talking about a MASSIVE expanse of space!

N.B. A note to those unfortunate enough to live in parts of Australia which are affected by bushfires. Sorry don’t mean to be trivialising the issue, must be hard for you guys. Please take due precautions. For more info, you can visit the Planning and Survival page on the RFS website. Good luck.

Ok, and now back to the Wee Family Trip saga… so what happened?

Well luckily for my mum, as quickly as our tempers flare, they are also quick to ease, and after a day, my dad and I are back to speaking, or more specifically, e-mailing, terms…

From: Yinn Gim
Date: Oct 15, 2006 2:10 PM
Subject: vcd
To: Tiffany

Hi girl,

Mum is now deciding what to bring back for you. I told her she can leave the VCDs behind as you told me you have seen them. Also you can take it back when you are here in Nov. So that there are more kilos to bring your other stuff. Is that okay?

Love
Dad

Eh… I smell a reconciliation. Is this my laoba’s way of saying “things are cool now” without actually saying it? “Love Dad” noted.

From: Yinn Gim
Date: Oct 16, 2006 1:08 PM
Subject: no reply
To: Tiffany

Hi girl,

So busy? Still waiting for reply.

Dad

Hmm… seems like he’s getting slightly anxious to know that things are ok on my side too…

From: Yinn Gim
Date: Oct 16, 2006 5:35 PM
Subject: busy
To: William Tan

Hi William,

Is Tif so busy that she cannot answer mail? Or is she still angry with me and refuse to communicate?

Dad

Yup! He’s officially kan-cheong now! Better reassure him ASAP.

From: Tiffany
Date: Oct 16, 2006 6:12 PM
Subject: Re: no reply
To: Yinn Gim

Halo laoba,

Aiyah no lah of course I not angry anymore. Don’t you know by now that the problem with us is that I am TOO MUCH like you. Very stubborn and very quick to lose our temper, but LUCKILY, like you, after the “blow-up”, also very quick to cool off and get back to normal. Definitely not the type to have long painful drawn-out cold wars…

Just that in the last few days, William’s mum is leaving oredi mah, so we went out with her a lot more, and came home quite late also. And today, after she left, we have been busy cleaning up the house.

So for your question, yes, leave the VCDs behind.

Tiff

And finally, all’s well that ends well…

From: Yinn Gim
Date: Oct 16, 2006 7:24 PM
Subject: Re: no reply
To: Tiffany

Hi girl,

A few more days and we will see you both.

Love
Dad

(Note to Laoba: see, as per your instructions, I never mention the you-know-what.)

And so, I guess my family’s still due to arrive on the 24th.
For now, William and I have the house to ourselves and we’re loving every minute of it!

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