25 Mar 2006 — It’s not usual to receive engagement presents for us Singaporeans, so we were completely surprised when Satoko and Bill sent us a pair of Hoyts La Premiere cinema tickets.

Wah… so high-class. It’s something we’ve always been a bit curious about, but never enough to want to pay for. And ‘cos it was such a special treat, we really wanted to wait till a good film was showing to use them, not just any trashy Hollywood blockbuster. The tricky bit is that out of all the Hoyts cinemas around, only 2 had the La Premiere set-up. Kind of why it has taken us this long to get round to it. But yes, we did it today. The film — Woody Allen’s “Match Point” — a seemingly worthy film.

Words like “ultimate indulgence”, “exclusive lounge”, “an unsurpassed movie experience”, “Super Screens for maximum impact”, “crystal clear digital surround sound”, “unobstructed views” and “luxurious private custom made sofa seat for two” told of things to come. So you couldn’t really blame us for raising our expectations right? Oh yes, we could just see it now, this was gonna be one very special experience…

We arrived at the Entertainment Quarter, and straight away, the privileges began. Instead of joining the regular queue, we headed straight to the Director’s Lounge (remember: “exclusive” to La Premiere patrons only) to exchange our passes for tickets. Well, technically, we already had tickets I guess, so prolly not that big a deal. And before you get carried away with wild fantasies of something fancy, this was it:

Kinda empty, sad and dreary really.

And the complimentary popcorn, soft drinks and coffee/tea we were promised? Sure! All available through self-service dispensing machines. You’d think for the hefty sum you pay, they’d at least have the decency to make the drink for you at the bar. Nah!

Oh well, at least they had a decent selection of tea. Yep, ensured we made up for the lack of service with a few extra teabags.

So what else did we get being such “privileged” clients?

For one, the visual enjoyment of fresh floral arrangements outside the toilets.

And two, the tactile pleasure of soft tissue in the bathroom as opposed to the usual rough paper towels. Oooh, don’t WE feel special?

But no time to tarry and make small talk, the movie’s about to start, and we still had those “luxurious two-seaters” to test drive! So into the auditorium!

I must admit, the description “a Cinemaxx auditorium offering an unsurpassed movie experience with Super Screens for maximum impact” lured me into thinking that perhaps there’s a separate La Premiere theatre? Erm… that fantasy turned out to be a far-cry from reality, all that hype for what turned out to be nothing more than the last two rows of the regular auditorium. Yep, there were the rows of seats in front with the SAME screen and the SAME sound-system, and all of a sudden the back rows were like SOOO SPECIAL?!? My ass.

And what were they going on about the “luxurious private custom made sofa seat for two”?!?

Does this look anything like it? They were the same hard, foamy crap we get with the normal seating. Yeah, yeah, they were slightly wider, just that slightly, and why would I care in the first place? My bum’s not even that big to begin with, and God forbid I should ever be able to fill the seat in! Like Billie said, the seats couldn’t even recline. And if Hoyts couldn’t spare us the extra comfort, then at least provide us with basic hygiene. The seat that Billie was assigned to initially had so much potato chips littered all over it that he just couldn’t, Shouldn’t sit on it!

Oh all right! The seats did come with its very own table ok?!

Barely large enough to place our popcorn and drinks.

And no, unlike our neighbours who were so posh they actually ordered the cheese platter ($12.50)…

…we stuck to our complimentary popcorn.

So on the whole, what did we think? TOTAL RIP-OFF! No way, not for $32 a head! We sure appreciate Satoko and Bill’s kind gesture and very generous gift. They were innocent bystanders really. The fault completely lies with Hoyts — trying to pass something so mediocre off as something sooo exclusive. Really! The cheek of some people!

Well considering it’s totally hypocritical to gan someone if we didn’t then offer some constructive criticism, here’s a list of things that William and I came up with to make the $32 ticket more reasonable.

In addition to the free popcorn, soft drinks and coffee/tea that’s already included (which we strongly feel should be prepared for us by the way):
- a complimentary glass of wine each (oh pur-lease, wine is SO cheap downunder!)
- hot chocolate complete with marshmallows to be added to the list of free hot drinks
- complimentary chocolate bar and ice-cream per pax
- a complimentary cheese platter, or similar substitute for the dairy-intolerant
- CLEAN, reclining sofa seats upholstered with a less scratchy material
- a few comfy cushions and a soft fluffy CLEAN throw each would be nice (optional attendant to come tuck you into your seat, like they do in First Class on SQ)
- perhaps an exclusive theatre?

Now, wouldn’t you LOVE a cinema like dat?!!

Ok, La Premiere aside, how was the movie? Slow-moving at first, but so clever. Magnificent performance by the male lead, Jonathan Rhys Meyers. And without giving too much away, all I’ll say is that Allen is really a master of manipulation. How did I end up rooting for the evildoer anyway? Go watch, if only to be entertained by the archaic way the English speak.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 26th, 2006 at 6:26 pm and is filed under Getting Hitched!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.