I Demand a Recount!
15 August 2005 — Today is an important day for me. Yes, after more than 3 months, 20 housemates and 18 evictions, it is finally here…
If you didn’t oredi know, I am a HUGE BB fan! Months before the show even starts, I’m oredi gearing up for it. When the season does begin, my life stops, or at least the social aspect of it. No, nothing comes between me and my 7pm daily shows, and the 2 hour ‘Live Eviction’ shows on Sunday. If somehow, you have ended up seeing me at those times, you can consider yourself pre-tty special. I made MEGA concessions for you. But tonight, NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING is gonna get in the way!!!
Of course when watching a show as monumental as the BB Finale, you’ve got to have the right nosh — the choice is clear: happy junk!
There’s no passing Domino’s and Krispy Kreme!
Tell me you’ve seen 2 happier images.
Oh yeah?!? How about this?
…and this! (eh, eh, eh, check it out, this no ordinary pizza ok? It’s THE EDGE, sour-cream base, double the cheese, and all the way to the Edge!)
and Hah Hah Hah… THIS! I win. (you clearly underestimate me)
Heh heh, and there’s no sweeter victory than sinking your teeth into one of these babies. Um-mm.
And with that, we’re all set! C’mon everybody, the show’s about to start!
But first, I must recap a bit. With the final eviction last night, I was really upset that Vesna got eliminated!!? What do you mean she got evicted?!? Not just me, but I’m sure the entire nation was rooting for her! I was so certain that it was Greg’s turn to go, as was the prediction of many a previous housemate that had earlier been evicted. Every time someone got asked “who’s leaving next week?” “Greg.”
With Vesna, she’s everything you want to watch. Macedonian, loud, vivacious, lovable, raunchy, gutsy, insane, spit-it-like-it-is, and filled with the same insecuritites as us mere mortals, from putting on weight due to over-consumption of white bread to scaring away men with her fiesty ways. If there was one person who has truly ignored the “game” to just be herself — it’s Ves. In fact, when Vesna came onto the stage, the crowd coudn’t stop chanting her name. It’s even said that Gretel (the host and Queen of BB Australia) wiped a tear or two from her eye because she wanted to see Vesna win and was annoyed last night when she was evicted. Sigh… she Was a breath of fresh air in what was otherwise a boring group of housemates, ya know, typical blokes who do nothing but pump iron all day, and dumb blonds who just sunbathe or bake in the sauna. Alas…
Then, there was two.
Yup, the two vying to win tonight, Greg and good ‘ol Tim. Timmy!
(wah, William and I are becoming experts at stealing images off the TV, quite clear right?)
Surely Tim has to win now. Other than being the next most interesting and funny housemate, after Vesna, he was also kind, patient, understanding and always gave everybody the time of the day. Even in this last show, they did a montage on how he was “the rock” of the house that held it all together. Timmy, the one you can always count on to hear you out. And he was no soppy, sappy boring nice guy either. Indeed, a self-proclaimed lefty and journalist, he was often the life of the party too — be it musing about politics or coming up with yet another prank. Mentionable achievements range from convincing the other HMs that he suffered from a fictional syndrome called “Grubenschrong” that caused him to be born with four kidneys and a functioning appendix, to waging a war against filth and being the co-founder of Aluminium Underwear Day.
Visually, it was also fascinating to watch Tim’s metamorphosis. From a pasty scrawny geek who was often bullied, to a buffed, brawny almost-hunk. And didn’t Ves, who’s a hairdresser, do him the biggest favour when she dyed and restyled his hair for him?
The pictures speak for themselves.
And of course his unrequited love for Kate has also won him brownie points. Who could forget the scene of him sobbing in the toilet when she got evicted. Aww…
As for Greg, umm, well granted he is a pretty-boy, so he does hold your attention for a second or two, but after that, there’s no after that. Let’s face it, he’s about as interesting as a paper-clip. He’s so boring and plays so safe, so safe the show needn’t really have him in it. In fact, even if he suddenly disappears at this point in time, I don’t think anyone would seriously notice. This “keeping under the radar” strategy is about as cheap and low as one can go if you ask me, a real Loser that Logan Greg. I hate to say it, but even his evil, nasty twin David, that louse! is heaps more entertaining to watch, albeit in a really negative way. A real prick that arsehole! Always compensating for his insecurities by bullying other “weaker” HMs, being outrightly mean and aggressive and calling them derrogatory names to their faces. That’s another reason Greg can’t possibly win. Surely the nation is smart enough to figure out that by representing both himself and David, should he win, that twat gets half the money! But enuff about Greg. No need to say so much, he’s not going to win anyway, and in a day or two, everyone would have forgotten about him, if they haven’t oredi. LIKE WHY IS HE STILL HERE AND NOT VESNA?!?
Yep, no doubt about it. Tim is bound to win, and when he does, I’m gonna pop the champagne!
While the result was blindingly obvious, the 2 hour special must nonetheless go on. So Gretel proceeded to interview all the previous HMs, there was further showcasing of their time in the house, and Tim and Greg got updated with their very own news bulletin — all these in the hope that even more suckers would call in.
The show was even extended, mebbe they haven’t made budget. Ok, ok, I admit, we also called once. What?! It was my first and only call for the entire season. Give them chance lah, plus it was my Ultimate way of showing support for Tim.
The inevitable moment arrives. Seconds before the announcement…
… and Finally… “the winner of Big Brother 2005 is Lo- (thud, thud, that was William and my heart sinking just then) -gan Greg!” WHAT THE?!?… (pause) WHAT THE?!?… (pause) WHAT THE?!? What else is there to say?! First Vesna got evicted, and NOW THIS?!? Where’s the justice?!? No, no, no, this can’t be happening… any moment now, any moment now they’re going to announce that they had miscounted the votes, and Tim’s the winner. Or that they had simply switched the names by mistake and Tim was the real winner, but of course he was. Any moment now…
… my brain tries to make some sense of the situation while my eyes watched on haplessly as Gretal passed the A$836000 cheque to Greg and all the other HMs rushed out to congratulate him.
The next few minutes felt rather surreal. I assume the show continued, but in my mind, it was all a blur. When I eventually came to, I made a 明智的决定 — I’m SO NOT going to watch BB ever ever again!!!! What a bloody waste of time!!! and I paid 55 cents for that call as well!!!
Even as the credits rolled, I held on to a last glimmer of hope. No, I wasn’t going to give up without a fight. The website, surely they’ve realised the mistake now, and they have announced on the site that Tim’s the REAL winner.
While the results remained unchanged, the producers committed the ultimate boo-boo, revealing their preference for Tim as well. Clearly they had prepared two versions to put up depending on the winner, but see, EVEN they touted Tim to win! And in their excitement, they had prematurely placed the wrong version up. Oopsy! (This page no longer exists of course.)
They realised their mistake, and now, the correct version is up.
I kind of surfed around the internet to see if Greg’s win had created some sort of uproar in the world at large, and was pleased to discover that indeed, I wasn’t alone. In fact, my reaction can be considered rather weak and tame compared to SOME other people out there. For instance, check out this song that another Timmy fan wrote after being “inspired” by the final results. (WARNING: Tons of vulgarity!!!):
Tim After Tim
Fuck this nation
Fuck it good
Tim should have fucking won
Yes he fucking should
CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT
CUNT CU-CUNT
I HATE YOUSE FUCKIN CUNTS!
x 2
Boring fucking arseholes
Those motherfucking Logans
They’re about as shit-filled
As a wetsuit full of grogans
TUPPENCE - That’s when you do a shit in your wetsuit.
CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT
CUNT CU-CUNT
I HATE YOUSE FUCKIN CUNTS!
x 2
TIM! Fell for a Lib called Kate!
TIM! Got buffed lifting weights!
TIM! Got behind those gays!
LOGANS! What did they ever do?
—- DRAMATIC SILENCE —-
FUCK THIS NATION!
CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT
CUNT CU-CUNT
I HATE YOUSE FUCKIN CUNTS!
x 2
Ooooooooooooooh
Timothy!
I’m living with this tragedy
The nation’s broken our dreams
Now all I hear is nightmare screams
CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT
CUNT CU-CUNT
I HATE YOUSE FUCKIN CUNTS!
x whatevs
Cough.
Nope, I’m definitely NOwhere as big a fan as this Jess is.
So with that, BB 2005 is surely over. Can’t wait till BB 2006 begins!