21 Oct 2007 - It’s amazing how quickly a situation can change based on one’s attitude and outlook towards it. Two weeks back, I realize I was sliding down the slippery slope to depression and dearth once more. The lower I sunk, the faster I slid, the more out of reach the brakes. I recognize the signs and symptoms from my days in Hua Hin. I had to put a stop to this noxious nonsense, because at the end of the day, that’s all it is, nonsense. A year from now, I would look back and think what a load of crap this all was, wasting precious moments wallowing in much about nothing when I could be spending my time in a much better frame of mind. It would be a travesty to think I even bothered to feel that much angst about the situation – geez, even vegetating on reruns of reruns of Seinfeld as pathetic as it sounds would be more constructive. So, I stop. Just stop.
Seriously, if you set your mind to do something fiercely enough, you can. Two imaginary tight slaps and just snap out of it already. Are we still having this conversation? Yawn… I’m already bored.
To end the ennui, I tendered my resignation on 2 October. I’m not leaving just yet though, there’s a three-month notice period that I have to serve up – absolutely brutal. Usually when the thought emerges that it’s time to go, you kinda want to leave NOW, to drag it out over three months… but all along I knew that was the case, so in a way I was mentally prepared for it. I’m not alone. There might be a mass exodus in January. But hey, I did it! By the time I bid my fond farewell, I would have achieved my one-year benchmark, a goal I had set myself. So you see, I can survive. I did survive. And no, no regrets whatsoever. I have had a blast here.
And when I say “fond farewell”, there is not a trace of sarcasm either. In fact, just today I thought the closer I get to leaving, the more I love this place and its inhabitants. Yep, the people and their quirks no longer irritate or disconcert me. I just laugh and shirk it off, accepting and appreciating all their perfect imperfections. As for social and work-related twists and turns, come, join in the game. See it for the game that it is and strategize your move to your best advantage, one that would serve to amuse and ease your final days. Why take it so seriously? Don’t sweat the small stuff. In the bigger scheme of things, we are mere players.
A few distractions can do wonders to uplift the mind and soul too. Making travel plans is always top on the list in this aspect. Yep, William and I will be heading to Europe end November early December. It’s crazy, everyone here at the resort’s visiting warm places like Thailand, Malaysia, Dubai and Sri Lanka, but us, we are meeting the cold head on. What to do? My hubby refuses to travel too far a distance, so we agreed to meet half-way = two weeks in Munich-Milan-Vienna. One perk I guess is that it’s low-season over in that part of the world, so whoo-hoo I’m getting a rate that’s a fraction of the price of even a hostel, inclusive of breakkie no less! And yes, we are talking about the Hiltons in these cities, hee hee, must milk all these benefits right?…
I’ve also embarked on baking, or more precisely, I have taken up disturbing Jaya the pastry chef at midnight every Saturday. When all is quiet, I would inconspicuously (or so I think) wander into the kitchen and in the wee hours of the morning, the two of us would craft up a delightful array of breads – dark rye loaves, multi-grain rolls, brioches, banana bread, strawberry jam filled doughnuts, sesame bread sticks, scones, almond cupcakes, white sandwich slices, raisin toast, crispbreads, French sticks, English muffins, Italian ciabatas, Aussie teacakes, and a whole gamut of Danish pastries – almond, peach, chocolate, raisin, blueberry and plain.
The smell of freshly baked cheese rolls, the feel of moist heavy dough in your hands, the stillness and silence interrupted only by the occasional hum of the oven, the sight of warm white chocolate trickling down the sides of a doughnut, the sensation of sinking your teeth into an almond croissant that has seconds ago been basking in a hot oven, the rupture as its frosting meets your palate for the very first time… and you wonder why I pay homage religiously?
And as much as I love working with the materials and gazing upon the end products, the process would certainly not be half as enjoyable if not for my very patient and kind mentor Jaya. I love him! He takes so much pains to explain in lengths the different ingredients, the machinery, the methods of cooking, the schedule of delivery, everything, just everything. I find myself transfixed by all he has to impart while I follow not half a step behind everywhere he goes. It is absolutely fascinating.
I remember in my RV days, when we were made to run the 6.5km around Pandan Reservoir every weekend, the only saving grace was when we rounded the bend close to the finish line, the aroma of freshly baked bread from the nearby Gardenia factory would permeate the air we breathe. In anticipation of that, I hung on and ran just a little faster. I once even entertained the thought that I would go work part-time in that factory just to experience that scent up close and personal. Heck! I would work for free; they could pay me in bread. Stupid girl.
18 years from then, my dreams have come true. I relish it. Some around here are starting to suggest I invite them when next I go. Hmm… I’m seriously reluctant, not so much for fear that a larger group would invite unnecessary attention and hence have the extra-curricular activity ceased, but because the presence of another would surely disrupt the delicate meditative quality of my visits. We’ll see. In the meantime, I have an invitation next weekend to concoct some pastries.
But more so than any trivial holiday-planning or even bread-making is a formidable, almost frightening diversion that has forcefully dominated every last waking moment (and then some) of my otherwise monotonous island-existence. Meekly, and quite happily, I surrender. I admit it, I am utterly addicted, way way way past the point of no return. The force is Facebook. That is all I will say. That is all I need to say.
17 Nov 2007 — I saw my first turtle diving at Pineapple Reef today. In fact, I saw two. I squealed with delight, not so much because I saw them, but because the promise that I will see them for the first time today was fulfilled. In the last few minutes of the dive no less. As if that was not enough, my massage with Nui didn’t get bumped. Seriously? A 6pm appointment on a Saturday? With Nui? This is too much… it ended at 7.30pm, the sky had just begun to turn dark, but not quite, there was the faintest hint of pink and violet left in the horizon. I was in a state of bliss. In this state, I was untouchable. Just as well. Death must feel this good. 
