14 May 2006 — It’s been a while since William left, and slowly but surely, things are returning back to normal. It was horrible those first few days. I immediately felt the emptiness, the huge gap that he left behind. Whilst I was coping the first few weeks prior to his arrival, after he left, I was a mess. Became a complete recluse. Didn’t feel like seeing anyone, didn’t feel like going anywhere, no appetite, and just wanted to sleep in as much as I could. In fact, I got so anti-social that for lunch, instead of eating at the canteen, I’d just skipped it and head back to Ban Dok Mai for the hour so that I didn’t have to make small talk with my colleagues.

And it wasn’t even like I wasn’t supported. ‘Cos probably people could see I was feeling a bit down, they all tried to include me in their activities, from other health advisors to the nurses to the fitness guys. But frankly, all I wanted was to be left alone. A couple of times I manage to pick myself up enough to join a group of people for dinner, (I was also getting tired of turning people down over and over again) but I’d soon find the whole thing too tedious, having to chat and pretend everything’s ok, and end up leaving the party prematurely. So after a while, heck, I just stayed in my room again. I guess I just needed some time to curl up and “mourn”… and you know, it’s ok. It’s alright to acnkowledge our sadness. We shouldn’t always have to put on a happy face for the benefit of others. And I think after a while, people started to git-it and kind of left me alone.

What really helped perk me up though was chatting with Adeline over Skype. It was one of thse days when we both happened to be online and I amazingly happened to have some free time. Ah… the comfort of speaking to an old friend, who knows you, who knows where you’re coming from, who speaks your lingo, and who somehow or other always suceed in making her plight sound worse than yours… does wonders to brighten your day! Also helps that she was so certain my case of melancholia wasn’t going to last and that I was going to snap right out of it. Her boost of confidence must have done the trick. Slowly I began to emerge out of my poor-me shell and am glad to announce I’m pretty much back to my usual hippie happie self. Oh well, life goes on…

This entry was posted on Monday, May 29th, 2006 at 6:31 pm and is filed under General Ramblings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.