And the thing is, it’s crazy how caught up I am in this job-seeking intention (I say intention as opposed to action because to be honest, I have hardly begun the process) because truth be told, no one’s really giving me any pressure other than myself to hurry into another job. William plans to return to Singapore in a bit, so the task he’s assigned me is simply to sit tight for a few weeks till he comes. I mean geez, the guy has no qualms about me doing nothing and charging my expenses to his credit card. All he wants me to do is to spend some time with family and friends back home for a bit so he can concentrate on his new pet project. Sounds like the dream situation for any wife, doesn’t it? Being able to wake at mid-day, no meeting to rush to, no boss to report to, no deadline to meet, no kid to feed, no maid to keep an eye on… Like how many of you out there wouldn’t kill to be in my position? But no… I had to be the neurotic, delusional panic-stricken wife who makes it out to be the most disastrous mid-life case of dejection and rejection.

This is all in hindsight of course. I am faring much better today. As mentioned, ever since I made the decision to snap out of this indulgent self-pity by simply preparing dinner for my family, and discovering the Zen of plucking bean sprouts one by one, I am savoring the pleasure of having time to kill. It is nice to have time to cook for the ones you love. Having had no access to a kitchen in the Maldives, it is also exhilarating to be slicing and mixing and stirring and frying all over again. Cooking requires you to focus on the task at hand. It requires you to live in the present moment, and in doing so, it is terrifically therapeutic. In fact, though I used to loathe it, even the washing up after I now find rather curative.

The end product of today’s meal…

…tah-dah! Cambodian style fish noodle soup.

So yes, I take a deep breath. I make a decision. For now, since I have yet to reach a conclusion, I shall stop tormenting my psyche with questions like “where should I go” or “what should I do”. I shall cease all self-limiting, self-defeating thoughts that come to no avail. I shall just let it all rest for a while. Instead, I shall fully appreciate the luxury of having this mini respite from all of life’s responsibilities. I shall bask in the opulence of guilt-free bumming and shamelessly lap up the full glory of freeloading. And the only question I shall seriously ponder…

“What should I cook tomorrow?”

FISH AND NOODLE SOUP (serves 4)

Ingredients:
200g dried rice vermicelli
1 tablespoon oil
2.5cm piece of fresh ginger, grated
3 small red chillies, finely chopped
4 spring onions, chopped
800ml coconut milk
2 tablespoons fish sauce
2 tablespoons tomato puree
500g white fish fillets, cut into 2cm cubes
2 ham steaks, chopped into small cubes
150g snake beans, cut into short lengths
2 cups bean sprouts, scraggly ends removed
1 cup fresh mint leaves
½ cup unsalted roasted peanuts